Every Time I See You Falling
by Automatic Flower
Summary: Songfic He loved her, I loved him. She hurt him, she hurt me, and I loved him too much to come between them.


Song by Frente; Inuyasha and company by Rumiko Takahashi.

I can't really say for certain I'm back into fanfiction. Sorry guys.

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**Every Time I See You Falling**

by Automatic Flower

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There he went, running after Kikyou again.

_Every time I think of you  
I get shot right through with a bolt of blue_

I couldn't really say anything. I couldn't really bring myself to. And it's not like I wanted to stab at him anyway. People tend to drop their burdens, especially if they stab at you. Of course, that's what I always told myself.

No, it's better if I didn't interfere with their relationship.

_It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find  
Living a life that I can't leave behind_

I often had to tell myself, "Suck it up, princess."

And yeah-- I just sucked it up.

Until it kind of… well, flooded.

I really tried not to. If I could, I'd hold it all in. But sadly, I don't think my mind was born with that kind of capacity. I couldn't hold in that much… hurt. And the hurt usually doubled when I saw him; when I saw the look in his eyes when _he_ saw _her_.

Naturally, I'd run home, only to be reminded several hours later that I had a duty to fulfill. I did shatter the jewel after all, so it only made sense that I put it back together.

_There's no sense in telling me  
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free_

He'd apologize. He didn't really _say_ sorry much; but I could tell through his actions. Actions speak louder than words, after all. He'd be more patient, he wouldn't talk to me as gruffly, and he wouldn't be so much of a jackass and whatnot.

But, as much as I enjoyed the temporary change (as I'm sure everyone did), it also hurt me. It hurt me a lot. It made me think that I was like… an obligation. Or maybe she was an obligation. Or we both were. Either way, it didn't make me feel all that warm and fuzzy.

Why did he have to look at me, in that way that spoke his regret and sadness so loudly, without saying a thing at all? It was so clear; so… _there_. And every time he explained why, I felt my heart break, knowing that it would never be me that he'd run after. It would never be me, this frail little girl from the future that he'd spend eternity with.

_But that's the way that it goes  
And it's what nobody knows  
And every day my confusion grows_

But of course, as always, I'd get tired of sulking and moping and feeling sorry for myself. I had to go on—the world wasn't going to stop for me. The faster I picked myself up; the better.

I forced myself to forget my petty desires and focused on what was important.

Have you any idea how annoying love is?

Have you any idea what the feeling is, to see the one you love, love another?

My heart has been toyed with, doodled on, torn in places, torn into _pieces_, written and marked on, thrown around, against the wall, and been trodden on. Many, many times.

And it only wrenched further when I saw how unloving _she_ was to him. My heart cried out, yet he wouldn't accept my embrace.

_Every time I see you falling  
I get down on my knees and pray  
I'm waiting for that final moment  
You'll say the words that I can't say_

For his sake, I was willing to continue being hurt, if it meant him being eternally happy with her. I would have stepped back in a heartbeat if such a deal had been made.

And as I continued to see his heart cry, mine started to bleed.

I would never treat him this way… why couldn't we be together? Why couldn't the past be forgotten? I was being selfish, but I couldn't help it. Love and selfishness in many ways are the same, are they not?

My bleeding heart wished, that if there could be such things as magic, such things as demons, and if legends could be true, why couldn't I have my own legend; my own fairy tale?

I silenced my heart, and it continued to bleed.

_I feel fine and I feel good  
I'm feeling like I never should_

So this was one-sided love? One-sided love, sure, but it really pissed me off when he'd… well, when he would pretty much lead me on.

My heart would start to beat rapidly, and my face would flush. I would get all tongue-tied; I tripped over my feet…

I was head over heels in love.

My head screamed that this was wrong, that he had Kikyou, and I…

Well, I didn't really matter, did I? Though I suppose that's not completely true—we were still friends. I still knew him well; and he could talk to me, but—!

We would never share the kind of bond that he had with her.

_Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say  
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday_

She'd come to see him sometimes. In the dead of night, her soul snatchers would float over our camp. And he, thinking that we were all asleep, would follow them…

They would lead him to her…

A few times I followed him. They never really did anything intimate. I mean, she'd kissed him a few times, he hugged her, but they mostly talked. Or rather, Kikyou talked, and Inuyasha apologized.

The next morning, he'd be all detached and out of it, and he snapped whenever we spoke to him.

Naturally, we'd all know what had happened.

_I'm not sure what this could mean  
I don't think you're what you seem  
I do admit to myself  
That if I hurt someone else  
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be_

And after he was done being detached, he would come back down to earth, but he'd be lonely and lost, and quite depressed. Of course, Sango and Miroku would all ask me to question him, ask me to comfort him… how could I say no?

Comfort him I did.

Not that it would mean anything in the long run.

I would tell him that no matter what he chose to do, no matter what path he chose to take, that I would be behind him the entire way. I would never leave his side, no matter what he did. And these words were true. They came from heart; from my crying, bleeding heart.

_Every time I see you falling  
I get down on my knees and pray  
I'm waiting for that final moment  
You'll say the words that I can't say_

Sometimes, when we shared these quiet, fragile moments, I would pretend that it would be me that he would spend eternity with. I would hope that it was me he was thinking about. In my illusion, Inuyasha would come to me, if it ever meant him facing a situation where he had to choose between me and her. In this illusion, he would be at my side in a heartbeat.

In reality, he would smile at me, and I saw his emotions rising and falling, in his eyes. I could see into his very soul, for his eyes were the windows to his being. I could see the mental and emotional scars that had turned him who he is today. I could see the bond that we shared that would never fail, but never go further.

And I could see, in his eyes, that he loved her, and not me.

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Well, that's that.

I was listening to the song and I really felt like writing fanfiction. So I did, and here you have the result. Review, please!

- Automatic Flower


End file.
